HAY! I'm Shanna.

A life + biz coach, podcast host, and community founder based in the NYC area. I love connecting with kick-ass women and sharing my really real story. Learn more about me!

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The Self Soul Sport Podcast is a destination to talk about loving self, nurturing soul, and living sport. I keep it really real with my coffee chats and interviews with girlbosses. This is a podcast that you want to miss, boo! Check out more about it and tune in! 

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5 Really Real Ways to Create and Cultivate Awesome Platonic Relationships

I am writing today’s blog post in mid-February right before Valentine’s Day. My single AF self is sipping tea on a Sunday morning and typing this with a Valentine’s Day theme in mind. While I haven’t yet mastered romantic relationships, I have gotten a firm handle on platonic relationships.

It wasn’t always that way. A little over two years ago before I started this blog, I wasn’t clear on how to create and cultivate platonic relationships. I didn’t know how to network, outreach, or nurture friendships. I learned through getting rejected or accepted for coffee dates, watching girlbosses on their catch up meetings, and rereading my mom’s copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Over these years, I’ve tested out the waters on relationships and wanted to share these really real ways to make this happen in your own life. I believe these five tips have been the reason I’ve grown my group of relationships so much. Let’s get to them, boo!

Be the first to reach out. You’re not the only one scared AF to be rejected. The person you’re thinking of reaching out to probably shares that fear too. And if you both share that fear, you won’t possibly get connected. That’s why you can be the first to reach out!!

I used to be so afraid to reach out to girlbosses I admired. Not until I got the courage to do it myself did I finally get over it. Since Instagram was the way I was exposed to other badass ladies, I decided to slide into the DMs. I’d find something we had in common and talk to them about it. Whether it was yoga, fitness, or blogging, I connected with ladies over the gram first.

One I distinctly remember was Kayla Kleinman of Kayla In the City. I reached out to her back in 2017 about my yoga journey and becoming a registered yoga teacher. Fast forward to 2019, we’ve attended each other’s events, planned solo coffee dates, and support each other from afar.   There are so many other ladies I’ve built such amazing relationships to just by being the first to reach out (like Cassidy Wendell of The Wellness Rookie, Diana Davis of Diana Davis Creative, and Ariel Belgrave of The Gym Hooky).

We are all a little scared of rejection, but we all have the ability to reach out in the midst of that fear. When we push ourselves to reach out, we can find ourselves creating and cultivating such amazing relationships that we can reflect on years later!

Make yourself energetically attractive for relationships. Just like you make yourself appear for romantic relationships, you can do the same for platonic ones. When you’re on the dating scene, you make sure to appear single and ready to mingle right?! You show up as your best self not only physically but energetically. You can be the same way for platonic relationships!

I grew up not having many friendships in elementary school, middle school, and high school. I had the best friend that I did everything with but hardly any real friend groups that I cultivated relationships with. When I was at the end of high school, I began reading How To Win Friends and Influence People. I realized that there also was an energy to attracting friendships. Not until I created this blog did I begin to tap into a new energy.

It was a game changer when I switched my energy to attract new relationships in 2016. In starting this blog, I practiced what I learned in that book by getting more vulnerable on my blog with sharing my depression story and building my own self confidence with mantras, affirmations, and more. From there, I attracted relationships and people to me like wildfire! I received so many DMs on wanting to connect and real-life conversations at my local studios. What a shift!

We are people with energy systems. We’re going to be attracted to people based off their energy. What energy are we going to have? We can build up our own energies with mantras, affirmations, and being the best people we can so that we can attract people with the same exact energy to our lives!

Think of something other than coffee. The first time you reach out to someone is certainly to connect with them somehow, right? The default is the coffee date. While you may want to defer to this one, you can also think of so many other ways to connect with someone you want to cultivate a relationship with!

Personally, I’ve been on more than 30+ coffee dates in the two years since creating this blog. While those are amazing, I really have been cofee-d out!! I also realized that people who were in this industry longer than me were over the coffee date route too. They always mentioned something else, whether it was a workout, an event, or even just a smoothie instead. Now, I try to think of anything other than coffee in connecting.

A trick I’ve been using when reaching out to someone else is looking at their social media and seeing what they like to do. For instance, I recently reached out to mah gurl Melody Gomez AKA @mezonthemove to finally meet IRL. Since I knew she was frequented a certain part of the city and enjoyed vegan food, I offered we meet up at a specific restaurant right near her! I didn’t offer the typical coffee date, but I took the time to really observe what she liked to do that we had in common (I love a good ole vegan spot too!!).

We all can offer a coffee date, and we all can also observe what our potential new friends would like to do. With the world of social media, we can always tell what we have in common with someone. Lean into that! And if it just so happens you both really enjoy caffeine, then so be it! But it’s time to retire the coffee date if we have more in common!

Check in and schedule a follow-up date. You can gather up the courage to reach out to someone first, create that energy to attract more relationships, and think of something other than coffee, but there’s nothing like a good follow-up. After you meet up with someone, you tell them how much you love it and schedule a follow up. Even if it’s months away, get in our your schedule.

I remember when I started creating these awesome relationships and it became super difficult to continue cultivating them! That’s when I started implementing a new technique this year. After each first meeting, I send a follow up text or email saying how awesome it was to meet up and how much I want to do it again! I also keep in mind the conversation then say we can do X sometime! Then it’s up to both of us to make it happen.

See, that’s how I do it now and I’ve already seen such great results. It keeps a chain on making the relationship something that doesn’t feel like a chore to both of us. It extends a clear, definite invite to continue on this relationship and schedule time with one another again! It’s easier on both of us!!

When we have these amazing first connections, we also wanna keep them going. So why not extend an offer to meet up again and make it super duper easy to cultivate that awesome relationship? Something as simple as “that was so much fun! let’s meet up for a workout next month and connect our calendars!” BOOOM. We can schedule a follow-up date as quickly as that.

Start new virtual relationships over email. Shameless plug: If you haven’t yet grabbed my e-book, Get It Done: Move Forward With the Sh*t You Want, you’re going to want to. In it is an entire chapter on how to effectively use email and I especially share how to connect with others via email. I even share a template you can use! Before you grab the e-book, I have a quick recommendation I want to share with you.

Since last year, I have connected with awesome ladies over the email and Zoom meetings. A relationship doesn’t only have to be a local one, it can also be a virtual one! In Chapter Three of my e-book, I share some email techniques on how you can cultivate friends across the U.S., and even the country! Wouldn’t that be the best?!

Click HERE to grab my Get It Done e-book for only $19.99, boo. It even has a bonus section on Networking Nuggets that will be super useful in your journey to creating and cultivating awesome platonic relationships, boo! Not only that, but this e-book has a whole bunch of tips for getting shit done and moving forward in a lot more aspects of your life 🙂

What are some ways you’re going to create and cultivate your next awesome, platonic relationship? What ways are you going to practice, boo? Share more with me below! 

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